August 24, 2005

6:50 AM So I made it through the night. I slept pretty well. OK, so just more observations/venting. I don’t think I’m with the right family. The paper that Peace Corps gave me (which may be wrong) says I am living with Manuel Soares-I am definitely not with his family. That is my project today, to figure that out or find a bigger room. They said the beach was right at my porch but from my house I see not beach, must find that today also.


I am totally overwhelmed and really just want to figure everything out but I know it will take a while. I need to just sit back and I will figure it out soon enough. I am sure most of it is my misunderstanding and PC mixing it up.

My only real discomfort for the next 3 days is that there is no lock on the door. Thankfully the PC driver took a look in my room and made them board up my window.

Other than that I will work this out. I am nervous but I know I am smart enough that I can figure out how and where to live.

I thought I was supposed to go with a lady from the clinic to another clinic today (now) but I guess not.

The mom’s name is Maria, the baby is Titano (?) and there is a cute girl with a fro. The nurse is Olinda.

Yesterday we drove the same way we went when we did our volunteer visit (to Laclubar) to drop Dewey (a volunteer) off. He lives in the FOHO!
So this family leaves me pretty much alone but I feel they don’t want me here. Ah! Relax-it will work out. I just had a cup of the sweetest coffee EVER so I am scatter brained.
.

12:26 pm I have no idea what’s going on and I did just lose it. About an hour ago a PC truck showed up to check on me. I am at the big clinic just observing. They came because of my room. They put me on the outside of the house because they thought they were getting a guy. Betty (a volunteer) came and I just started crying. It was not that I was overwhelmed at that moment but just everything. My counterpart is still nowhere to be found, the nice lady nurse is very concerned for me because of my living situation.

I had my first serious thought of going home. I know I won’t this easily but I really don’t see myself here. It very well is probably due to the disorganization on PC part. I don’t see myself living here

We went to the market and I was just stared and laughed at. I know I can’t let it get to me but I have never felt so stupid in my life and it really makes me angry. It’s the fish bowl thing but it hasn’t gotten to me like this before. I had higher expectations of my placement- 1st and biggest mistake. I thought I would be closer to water and that would keep me sane. I really have nothing. The nice nurse is helping but she was put in a hard situation. Ah-I should have been more prepared. It so weird, like I know I can live here but my gut feeling is I don’t want to. I will see how I feel in a couple days. I am cutting my stay a day short and going to stay with Aaron Friday night. I will see what PC does/says, that might help me decide what to do.

9pm I just had the experience I never wanted to have but knew it would happen. About an hour before dinner an ambulance sped through. Just after dinner it came back. Since the nurse lives at the clinic and eats with s they stopped. The driver gets out and comes over to me. He speaks English-kinda. The nurse runs into the clinic, grabs medicine and comes back. The ambulance pulls to the side and they star working on the girl. She is maybe 20. The driver/EMT tells me she is sick because she didn’t eat. She is foaming at the mouth and I can hear her breathing from a good 10 feet away. I heard them try to talk to her and there was no response. It seems they started an IV-I think just to hydrate her. After about 10 minutes of watching this horrific feeling swept over my body. I almost threw up right then but I just walked to my room-by the time I got in privacy I was sweating a ton and shaking pretty bad. I sat down cause I felt like I was about to black out. I just sat and fanned myself for 10 minutes. I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t do anything. I have never felt this before. I think if I had not walked away when I did I would have fainted. After about 30 minutes of working on her they took off towards Same. I asked why she was sick and they said she took too much medicine and was “drunk” from that. I didn’t ask but from they way they ere talking I don’t know if she will live. I don’t know how I am feeling, I have never experienced or witnessed something like this. I think with all that happened today my entire body and mind are on overload. I didn’t shed a tear because I think I was in shock. Wow-Life was just really put into perspective-I don’t know what perspective but my eyes were definitely widened.