7:59 pm. I am probably the most tired I have ever been in my life. My mind is so tired from talking and thinking so much. Today I talked with Gene, Ave, and Bill, all separately. Gene apologized and will give me options to change. I feel he sincerely is sorry. Ave also apologized but really had nothing else to say-it is his fault (and Richards but he is gone). Bill was the best. He truly does care about me. Everyone else is supportive regardless of what I decide to do. He really helped me get something kind of tangible out of my mess of emotions. He told me to make my mind up because worrying about doing that is the hardest thing and takes up so much energy. He said to make my mind up but not really tell anyone-have a date in mind and if my mind changes between now and then, fine. But if not, then it will be easy to announce and I don’t have to stress about it.
So as of right now my decision is to go home. I will leave when I would move from Balibar. I won’t stay for swear-in (that would be too hard). I will wait to tell PC until the 10th or 11th. I am going to let them offer me choices and I still open to staying here if I feel comfortable and right at the new site. If not I am coming home. I feel good-emotionally drained but happy. I have learned a lot more than ever before about so many things. My mind is really clouded with emotions but they will clear up now that I have decided.
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