July 28, 2005

Ok, so I have NO idea what just happened, I Haven’t processed it yet. I just got back from (what I can observe and understand) what seemed to be the East Timorese Godfathers dinner. Let me explain…Anto asked me if I wanted to go with her to help her our neighbor do something. I say “sure.” We go over there and there is a man sitting down and she greets him and kisses his ring. I meet him and he speaks limited English. For a while it is just me, him, his brother-in-law and some lady. Then slowly all these men started showing up. He introduces them all to me as family. So then I have tea and a donut (so good). I was there for about 30 minutes when my host mom called me home because I did not shut my door-she is very paranoid. As I am coming back-Randy is heading to the neighbors house with his dad. I go back with them. We are there for another 30 minutes when Joe and TC show up. Soon after Anto comes and gets me and Randy to eat dinner. (Randy’s mom is in the hospital so he is always eating with me). We eat and the go back to the neighbors, yet again. When we get back there everyone is quiet and listening to the “Godfather” talk. He was definitely talking politics but I wasn’t sure exactly what he was saying. He talked for a good 45 minutes-then asked if anyone wanted to voice their opinions. A couple people did. He told Randy (in Portuguese) that he wants to educate these people (his brothers) because they don’t agree with him ad they are family and because he doesn’t want hat happened before in East Timor to happen again. He is in the opposing party (FTD) than what is in office now (FRETLIN). He used to be the chief of the suco we live in He was imprisoned 4 times (once for 3 years). He was a principal and the secretary of his political party. He may have his PhD but I am not sure. I think I may live with a mob family! I feel safe here and very protected. I just don’t want anyone to associate me with anything bad (like what if they are mobsters and cause we were at the meeting people think I am too)
It is so interesting. They honestly treat me like a man here, I was the ONLY woman sitting in the circle of about 20 men. I would have been laughed at had I tried to help clean or cook. Wow, that was strange, I just wish I understood more.

The rest of my day was good. Class was class. We played volleyball afterwards and it was a ton of fun. We are going to Dili tomorrow, I promise not to eat as much junk food this time!

July 27, 2005

I just went out to use the santina and Anto tells me that my friend is down at Joe’s house and he needs to walk home but he can’t because it is dar, and that is not good. So she asks me to go down there and tell him. The friend she is talking about is Dustin, another trainee and he lives about 15 minutes up the hill. Anto also tells me he is drunk. So I go down to Joes-he isn’t drunk, he told his host dad he would be home by 10. His host dad is Anto’s uncle (I think). Everyone is super scared about him walking home and rightfully so. They are responsible for us and it is REALLY dark. They won’t let Dustin go alone so Joe and TC’s host dads go with him. Anto and I come back to the house and Ama (my host mom) says to me that they can’t walk alone because there is a bad house by the church. So, she goes in her room and pulls out a HUGE machete-sticks it under her arm and storms out to follow them. I was like, WHOA!!! I asked and Anto said she was going to walk with them. She is such a cool old lady. So now Anto is scared. I think they will be okay but I am nervous. As I am writing this they have not gotten back yet. I am going to listen to some music and wait for her to come back. This cracks me up but at the same time really makes me feel safe. No one is going to mess with my host mom!

July 25, 2005

Today wasn’t really eventful at all, we just had class. I seriously have become so cynical and not compassionate but I still really want to be here. I want to help but I am being realistic-I had this fantasy before of helping so much here-it isn’t going to happen. Sure I am going to make a difference but it isn’t going to be this he noticeable life changing thing. I definitely have changed already and in exactly the opposite ay that I thought I would. I imagined coming here, and being inspired by the people to do all this good. But instead, I’ve realized these people are going to live the way they want and who am I to change anyone. Sure I will help them realize small things (i.e. wash your hands before you eat or cover your mouth when you cough) but that’s it. I am not sad, I am more relieved that I don’t have such big shoes to fill. I don’t know what I will end up learning here but I will enjoy it and grow from it.


Sorry-had to vent a little, now on to the funniest thing that has happened here thus far.

Ok, Joe has been saying TC sings like a “manu moras” (sick chicken) and he has also been saying other phrases with the word manu in it. Manu in Tetun means chicken. WELL, tonight Randy and I were also informed that Manu is an insult or bad word. It is obvious now why.  Joe’s mom wasn’t too happy and so we told him. He had no idea and was really embarrassed. They weren’t really mad, its just not good especially since there are so many kids around. Just one of those language things, but boy was it funny when we told him!

July 24, 2005

We went to mass today, then did laundry, went to some funeral thing, I am pretty sure it was an extension of last weeks funeral. I feel like our families bring us along just to show us off. We could probably charge admissions and make a lot of money. People just stare at us. Our language isn’t good enough to just have casual conversations so we talk amongst ourselves and get looked at and sometimes touched by small filthy, snot nosed, flea covered children. Wow-I have become very cynical. One mom even told her kids Para hare malae (stop looking at the foreigners). We were on display for about 2 then returned home. It started raining really hard. Alfonso, the language teacher, came over and we talked for a while. I (he) figured out whose baby the little girl is. She is Anto’s baby. She got pregnant in high school and the dad ran off. He said it happens a lot here.


After a while we went and had dinner at Joe’s house. Alfonso misses his girlfriend, it is really cute.

July 22, 2005

Today was uneventful: more miscommunication on the part of the wonderful PC staff. I have really learned a lot though and I don’t let things that don’t go my way really get to me anymore. We had lunch with Gene (the CD) it was fine. Well I am going to read and try to fall asleep!

July 21, 2005

Ah, first of many stomach aches that I am sure to come. This one is all my fault though, we came to Dili and I gorged on American food! I have a slight fever but it is mainly the impending feeling of throwing up that I am feeling.

Other than my having my first experience with being sick my day wasn’t too exciting-just Tetun and then technical training. Something did happen on the way home from class though. So I always walk home with TC, Joe and Randy, right? Well rewind to this morning, there as this “drunk” or crazy guy near our house. The word they kept using was bulak and it translates to crazy but they said he was drunk (probably a little of both). Well, my host mom yelled at him and Anto told me that he gets arrested a lot. No we meet this guy right before we go down the hill to our houses. He shakes all our hands (TC is on guard now). We proceed down the hill and the guys make me go first because the bulak was following us. I walked straight into my house with Randy and we tell my family that the guy is following us. All of the kids (probably about 20-25 of them and all of the women start screaming at the man and chase him away. It was so cool, I felt so important. They tell us to integrate so our family will care about you and protect you. Well my family did just that! I am carrying a whistle everywhere I go now and TC keeps checking on me. I don’t feel unsafe at all and I am so glad to know that all of these people care about me.

Oh to Gimpy now, she is doing well-nice and fat. She knows her name. We were just mentioning her and she came running out of the bedroom-it was very cut.

I am starting to really like it here. Anto is so nice. We talked about me leaving today and she said she is going to miss me. They want to send coffee home to my mom and dad.

So, I think Saturday night I am having a slumber party at Erins.

July 19, 2005

So it is my birthday and my day was pretty good. I had ifirina again but they fried it this time and it was much better. We had language for 3 hours but it was really good this time. Then we had to go do interviews but Barry (the health trainer) was so disorganized that we had to spend a long time looking for a translator. I got angry but got over it. I really have to work on not always being in control of the situation. It is really hard to do that but whole experience is going to improve my ability to sit back and relax.


I had a quick lunch and then we had 4 hours of health training. I voiced my opinion about how disorganized it is. They say they are trying to teach us about how the culture is here and to get used to it but I think that is a bunch of bull. We all wanted to do something for my birthday but because our family expects us home we just got to hang out a little bit.

Oh, I talked to Mom this morning. It was so good to hear that she is doing okay.

Anyway, I got home and took pictures of my house and the kids to e-mail home tomorrow (hopefully). Then I showered and just talked to Antonia.

Ok Gimpy update: She is doing okay. They fed her tonight and I think because she is so malnourished she ate to much and her stomach bloated. She walked around a little bit and then came in the house. My host mom told me she slept with her. I am worried about her stomach though. We are going to give her a bath and start taking her places with us.

So tomorrow we are going to Dili and I am really excited because I get to eat real food like chocolate and coke and beer! I am going to stock up on munchy food and hide it in my room. I eat well her-my sweet buds are just feeling left out!

Time to hit the sack, we have to be at class at 7 am!

July 18, 2005

Today went really well. Lets see-I must be really lazy because I slept till 6:30! I had such a good nights rest though thanks to Tylenol PM. Tonight the weird dreams came-malaria medicine night. When I woke up the roosters were crowing, pigs squealing and a lot of other random noises. I had coffee and cassava (Ifarina?)-it was so hard to eat. It has no taste and is like a raw but boiled potato. It sucks all the moister out of your most so I just chased every bite with coffee. I think they got the idea that I didn’t like it. We left for class at 7:30 and we got to the “training center”(Holy cow-it is so windy I am scared-it sounds like the house is going to fall down). Anyway, when we got to the school there was no one in charge there and then one trainer showed up but since the head guy (Nelson) wasn’t there we walked to a kiosk and bought these muffin/not sweet funnel cake things that were so good! I definitely needed it to compensate for the cassava. We got back to the school and realized that it is in use so we walked up a hill to have class at a woman’s house. Then we had language-Alfonso is my teacher along with Joe, TC and Randy. So after language we walked home and ate with our families and then walked back and had more Tetun. I talked to mom for 1 minute and then we got cut off. We had some Tech Training (the health part).
Around 5:30 pm we headed home. I took a shower and then helped Anto cook. She laughed at me and didn’t want me to but I just kept saying I want to help. It was fun. I fried bananas. Then I studied with Paula (the little girl). She copies whatever I write. We had dinner-some tofu with rice and it was actually really good. Then I just hung out some more and practiced speaking Tetun and now I am safely under my net with one light on that says on all night.

Now for the best part-I have a puppy already! So there was this puppy that Randy’s host kid found with a broken leg (I am not sure but he may have broken it!) She is tiny and light brown and has really big ears. My host mom tried to fix its leg and we think she popped it back in place and it is just sore now. So at lunch I first saw the puppy and I gave it water and it ate the food that a baby dropped. When I got home at dinner she was at my house. I have her water and Joe looked at her leg. I kept saying that I like dogs and I am sad that the dog is hurt. Dogs are treated kind of like chickens here. If it weren’t for Randy and I they wouldn’t have done anything for the puppy. But Anto fed the dog and I gave it water AND they are letting it sleep in the house. My host mom (Catarina) even wiped some type of medicine on its leg. I think it was cocont water with eucalyptus in it. We named her Gimpy. I really hope noting bad happens to her but I am preparing myself for the worst. She is so cute though, I will try to get a pictures soon. Because she is so young she comes to us. I really think that they think we are crazy for caring so much for the dog. It doesn’t phase them to hit it or be mean to any animal and that is really hard for me to get used to.

July 17, 2005

First night-DONE! I was woken by what seems like 1,000 chickens that won't stop. Now there are lizards on the ceiling. I'm gonna make it!


So Day 2 is over -I am much more together than last night. I think its the coffee (or lack of tonight) I suceeded in explaining that if I drink coffee at night I can't sleep. Hau hemu cafe hau la toba! So today started off with roosters and I was talked about as the lazy one when I didn't wake up till 6:15! We had bread and coffee for b-fast and then I went to mass. It was interesting. The church sits on top of a hill overlooking the ocean. It is a solid building-no gaps; there are only 3 rows of benches so most people stand. There are cheap looking Jesus and Mary pictures up on the wall, you know the tacky ones like at the 99 Cent store. The women stand on one sidemen on the other. All the kids are up front against the wall. There speaker system consists of a wireless mic somehow connected to this tiny boom box. The Timorese can sing- well at least they can sing LOUD! Antonia (my host sister) has quite a powerful voice. I understood nothing from the service except the father specifically thanking us for being there and that God loves us (because he said that in English). So after the service we were all so happy to see each other (most of the volunteers attended) that we all just clumped up and started comparing our stories. We are all going through something so I feel ok. The father had us, our language teachers and the chief's family over for lunch. I just ate rice-all the rest was meat (including dog, cow lung and pig with the skin and hairs still attached). I didn't see it but I get sick thinking about it! So after lunch me TC, Joe and Randy walked home with Alfonso (a language teacher) he has 9 years of English so he is good but he pretends not to be because they tell him to. We bought detergent from a kiosk. They are these stands that are set up along the road. They have flip-flops for 60 cents, candy for 1 cent and detergent for 5 cents. We messed up and bought from the wrong kiosk. You are supposed to buy from the one that your family runs/owns and we bought from one up the street. My family owns the one right above my house. SO-we do our laundry-awkward but now I know how to do it and will never take machines for granted again. They feed me and then Randy and I went to this funeral. It is the ceremony part where women wail and cry with the body in a hot room with a lot of incense. I saw the body and then we sat outside. Some man talked to us but we couldn't understand him. The baby in the family peed all over the grandma and she didn't flinch. See I don't know if the baby belongs to the older woman (Antonia's mother) or Antonia and I don't know where the father is. I am afraid to ask and I don't know how. I'll figure it out. So we sit for 5 minutes. Oh-we also saw a 2 year old smoking a cigarette-I am not kidding!!! We left and walked back home then a bunch of other volunteers were passing by my house so I joined them and went to the President's house to hang out and play basketball. It is so bizarre, it is the President's house and all the locals just go hang out at the courts. I can't imagine just playing basketball at the White House! The gate for his house is a metal bar that can be lifted but you can also just walk around it. I don't know, it is sooo different from home. So almost all the other volunteers were there and it was great to speak English and talk about our confusion. I find it so funny house we talk like we've been here for so long even though it has only been 2 days. We stay till around 5 and I head back. When I get back I successfully take my 2nd bucket shower and when I was done the funeral procession is coming down the hill for the burial. I join Alfonso and go down this steep hill to a cemetery. The way they work is each cemetery is a for a family and then each grave is for an immediate family. They pile the bodies up in one site until it is full. So the men were taking one casket out (I think the husband) and then but the new one in and then put him back on top. They covered it and sealed it (temporarily) with cement. We lit candles and put them on the tomb and then left. I got back and ate and "talked" to my host mom. I showed them pictures from home but couldn't really explain much about them.  I am under my net writing right now. It was a super long day and my legs are sore but I am glad I am getting more used to being here. I am going to sleep now so that I can wake up on time (5 AM) and am not considered lazy!

July 16, 2005

Holy Cow!!! Ok, so I am here-oh my god is about all I have to say. I am trying to figure out how to start writing but I don't know how. I am in shock so I can't write but I need to. I know it is my fist night and I'm expected to be overwhelmed but that's an understatement. I am lying under a mosquito net in a tin shack-there is no electricity-I can't understand a thing that is said to me-I peed all over my food and I have never been looked at so much in my life. It isn't even 9 and I already called it a night simply because I had no idea what else to do. Men started coming over and I didn't feel comfortable being alone so I managed my risks and just said I tired. I have no idea who lives here. There are so many kids. This is truly going to be the hardest thing EVER. I guess Kelly already went home. Men do nothing while women scurry around every where. The walls don't touch the ceiling. I took my first bucket shower. Oh my god, if any of my friends could see me now. Be strong. It is not a house but a shanty. I really can't take it all in, I definitely will write a lot.

July 13, 2005

Ok so today I finished my 3rd day of training. It is going really well. Yesterday we had health talks and it was pretty boring. At night Erin, James, Joe, Sash, Ally, Mike and I hung out in our room.  My feelings about this are only getting better. I adore everyone of the volunteers, they are all such magnificent people. I really didn’t expect to be hanging out with them so soon. James is really cool and we relate a lot being from the LBC and all. I am so amazed that EVERYONE gets along so well. In a group of 34 that is pretty amazing.
Today I had my first Tetun lesson. I was so aggravated but at the same time I know it will come. After training was over today James, Erin, Chris, and I went with Linda to Dili. We had her take us to by cell phones-they were $100 with the sim card. She was so nice. She took us to a bakery and all around town. She paid for the food and our sim cards but we paid her back. She really showed us the giving nature of the Timorese. I text messaged mom with my number and I can’t wait for her to call.

Dili is interesting, so many of the buildings are still in ruins. It is crowded but not that gross feeling. People are just trying to make it is the feeling I get.

July 11, 2005

Ok so what’s happened-we arrived in Sydney Sunday at 6:45 AM. We cleared immigrations and customs and around 10 AM we had checked our bags in so we didn’t have to carry them around. Somehow we organized about 28 of us to take a bus into the city. We took one big bus and one little one. When we got there we split p. Some of s walked through a market and then went and ate at a pub. After the pub we walked up the bridge to look out over the city and opera house. We saw a rainbow. Oh my goodness, it was cold in Sydney. After we walked across the bridge we headed towards the water and got ice cream. We then walked up to the opera house. We met the bus at 3:15 because we had to get back to the airport to get checked in. It was wonderful that we got to do so much in the brief time we were in Sydney. At the airport I called Mom-she was at JJ and Bills. 

We were all delirious and I hardly remember the flight to Darwin. We got into Darwin around midnight. Went straight to the room, I showered-Erin was my roommate and I went to bed. I slept well. In the morning me Erin, Dylan, and Joe walked down to the wharf. They ate kangaroo and crocodile. We walked back through down town and then headed back to the hotel. At 1:45 PM we left for the airport. Now I am on the plane to DILI!!!!!!

I am finally nervous and I can’t believe it is actually happening. The plane we are on seats only 28 people. It is so small. I really can’t believe I am actually going. No way to describe it. In about 40 minutes reality is going to hit me like a ton of bricks. This dream will finally be a reality. The next chapter of my life will have begun. Since that night in Tanzania (over 2 years ago), I knew I had to do something and now I am doing it!

I am in Dili!!! Oh my god. Seriously, this is unbelievable. It is beautiful and surreal. I don’t have words really to describe it except unbelievable. I am in awe that I am finally here. When landing we could see little villages and the coast line. When we actually landed it was all palm trees and SO green. We got off our tiny plane and were greeted by 2 Peace Corps staff and then they cleared us through customs, we got our bags and then we were greeted by other volunteers. We then squished into a Land Rover and drove through Dili. How do I describe it? Beautiful. The ocean is right there on one side and then the rest is houses and small shops. It is very run down but still beautiful. All the embassies stick out a lot. We drove through town to a hotel where we were greeted by the CD and more staff. We got to watch the sunset and it as just unbelievable. One of the most majestic sites I have ever seen and to think I am going to live here for 2 years-I am lucky!

Then we went inside and Bill (the medical guy) gave us some warnings. We also filled out a bunch of papers. We got to eat dinner and then just talked to current volunteers. I am so excited to get started. Oh BUGS already-It is a roach or something0in the bathroom, good thing I’m not Lindsay!

July 8, 2005

I am sitting on the plane waiting to take off. I expected to be much more emotional than I am. I said goodbye at the hotel and it wasn’t as horrific as I imagined. Everyone was there-Mom, Linds, Kisha, Scott, Dad, Alla, and Ozzy! I was kind of rushed so it was a blur but like I said I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would. It wasn’t the long drawn out goodbye but I think that was better because I am not as emotional now-I think may be that it hasn’t hit me yet. I am so excited-having everyone (other PCVs) here really helped. I feel so right doing this and being here. This is absolutely the right thing for me to be doing.

July 7, 2005

My first official Peace Corps journal entry, I can’t believe I am here at staging. It is so nice to know that I am not alone-everyone is going through the same thing and I finally have people to really relate to. Staging was just a bunch of info that I already knew and meeting everyone. Oh my god-I leave tomorrow.